The Girl with the Mousy Hair

The John Fighter Experience

2009-04-03T11:00:00.004-04:00

I've started DMing a new D&D game recently, and in an effort to chronicle the adventures, one of the characters, John Fighter, has been keeping a scrapbook. He asked me to share it on the internets, so here we are. More pages will be posted as I acquire them. Enjoy!

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November Cometh

2008-10-31T23:41:00.005-04:00

We are, by my clock, 18 minutes away from November, and the start of my fifth attempt at National Novel Writing Month. As usual, I'm accepting dares. Whether I choose to actually use your dare in my story is another matter. So far the dares I have accepted are:

2008 Central Jersey Regional Dare - Include a scene in a diner or similar eating establishment - Done!

From friends:

Include characters based on Sean and Chris - requested by Chris
Include a character with an unhealthy obsession with generic products - requested by Dan - Done!
Write one scene twice, from two different character perspectives - requested by Jeff

From the forums:

Have a female character who never once needs to be saved by a man.
Have a dragon (or fire-creature of your choice) mock a smoker and call him a pathetic imitator.
Solve a problem MacGuyver style, using only a rubber-band, a paperclip and toothpaste.
Have one character who, whenever they fancy someone says 'well s/he's definitely going in the cupboard'.
Include roof-cleaning ninja assassins.
Include a dragon that's a picky vegetarian.
Include a prophecy that says the characters have to go to Nowhere and it turns out Nowhere is the name of a town.
Include a character that ends every sentence with "...according to the prophecy."
Begin every chapter of your novel with a piece of advice from the Evil Overlord List.

The State of Fall Television

2008-10-18T01:11:00.004-04:00

So the new TV season has been in full swing for a few weeks now, MLB playoffs not withstanding, and it's time to take a look at what has been delivered so far. There were not many brand new shows debuting this year, since most networks wanted to give some of the cut-short new shows from last season a second chance.

This fall my personal must-see television lineup consists of Chuck, Heroes, Pushing Daisies and Life On Mars. I also checked out the pilot of My Own Worst Enemy, and while I thought the pilot had potential, and I like Christian Slater, I'm not sure if that show is really going to go anywhere. You can't judge a show on it's pilot though, so I will likely be tuning in again next week.

The following discussions are probably at least slightly spoiler-ish for anyone who hasn't been watching the above listed shows.

Heroes is the biggest name show I was really interested in this season, and while I think it's better than last season's beginning, it still feels like it's dragging. It has had some pretty cool moments this season, and I'm still interested, but it seems like for every cool moment, there's something that just doesn't gel right. I like Sylar working for the Company, but I don't really like the new explanation of his...mental issues. Blaming it on his power seems to make him a less interesting villian than when we thought it was just because of his mother always pushing him to be special. The identity of Nathan's assassin was cool, I didn't see it coming, but then I think the character stuck around a little too long, with all of the warnings of the future. Every season so far has started off with some horrible warning from the future, and I'm kind of getting tired of the future. I think the series was much more interesting when Hiro was the only one who could time-travel. He's much more responsible about it, at least usually.

I've actually really liked Hiro's storyline so far this season, especially his reunion with Adam Monroe, which proved he can be himself, and still be pretty bad-ass. However, the cliffhanger last week's episode left us on regarding him and Ando rang very false to me. It doesn't matter how many sacrifices Hiro insists a hero has to make, there is no way he would ever kill Ando in cold blood. I'm almost positive time-tripping of some kind is involved here. My bet is that when they asked Hiro to kill him, Hiro froze time and devised a plan with Ando involving some kind of body armor. If it turns out that scene was totally straight, it would mean the writers have really lost their touch, because it seemed to go against everything Hiro stands for.

Last of all, whatever Mohinder is going through has to stop. I always thought Mohinder was smart enough not to break the first rule of mad sciencing, i.e. never inject yourself with your own untested serum. At this point it seems Mohinder is being groomed to be the first real comic-bookish villian of the show, and it's just not being done well. What makes Sylar a great villian is his subtlety. Mohinder turning into a creepy spider creature is not subtle, and it's a real waste of a hot Indian guy.

Next up is Pushing Daisies. Pushing Daisies is one of the new shows from last season that didn't get a full run because of the writer's strike. Last year it did very well in the ratings, and was hailed as one of the best new shows, scooping up awards left and right. Unfortunately, it has come to my attention that Pushing Daisies is doing very poorly in the ratings this season, which may be proof that there is no God, because it is easily my favorite show currently on television. Bones is kicking its ass, which is at least sort've understandable, because Bones is a pretty good show. But Knight Rider is beating it as well. Knight Rider! The point of this rant is that if you're not watching Pushing Daisies you really, really should be, especially if you're a Neilsen family. It's one of the most unique shows I've ever come across, at the same time a very funny dark comedy and an almost sacharrine sweet romance. The absolutely adorable leading guy doesn't hurt any either.

This season has seen a new dynamic for Chuck and Ned's relationship, as Chuck seeks to be more independent, something she didn't get a chance to do when she was alive the first time. I had kinda been waiting for something like this to happen with them, because while Ned never seemed to look much farther than 'I brought Chuck home and now I'm happy', Chuck seemed like she wanted to take her new chance at life as an invitation to do all of the things she never got to do before. Not to mention how much safer she is now, since the first change she made was moving out of Ned's apartment. I don't care how much you love someone, when their slightest touch can kill you, it might be better off having your own place. The first few episodes also had Olive being sent off to a nunnery so she doesn't spill Lily's secret to Vivian. While the nunnery was amusing for a few episodes, I'm glad Olive is coming back to The Pie Hole, although since Chuck moved into her apartment I'm not sure where she's going to live. I'm also glad Chuck learned that Lily is her mother. It didn't seem like a plot point that could be stretched too far, and finding out gave her some foundation when she had a bit of a crisis of faith in the most recent episode.

The most recent episode, 'Bad Habits' was excellent in many ways, focusing a little more on character development than the mystery of the week. Ned and Olive had some great scenes together, especially when he was trying to guess what secret she was keeping, and seeing Ned and Emerson trying to impersonate Vatican police was just priceless. Also, due to the religious nature of the episode, for the first time there was some questioning about where Ned's ability comes from. How does it fit into the scheme of religion? Chuck questioned her current state, whether if by being alive again she would ever go to heaven, and it led to a heartbreaking scene between her and Ned. It also touches on something we haven't seen mentioned yet in the show, that being Chuck's near-immortality. Digby the dog is over 20 years old, and still looks like a young dog, implying that Chuck will never get older or die of natural causes, an implication the show's creator has confirmed. If Chuck is getting freaked out by the thought that she might be stuck between life and death, I can't imagine that feeling getting any better when she realizes she'll never get any older.

My one real nitpick with the show is that Lily and Vivian really need to find out that Chuck is alive. There doesn't seem to be any real reason to keep the secret, since they don't talk to anyone, and it's going to be a lot harder to keep now that they're making it a habit to visit The Pie Hole.

Now, Chuck, not to be confused with the above Chuck, is another show that may be on the chopping block this season. Another writer's strike victim, my initial opinions of Chuck were not very good. I watched the pilot and thought the acting seemed forced, and it was trying too hard to be geek chic. It also didn't seem sure if it wanted to be a spy show with some comedic elements or a parody of a spy show. It still seems to walk that fine line, but I ended up catching up on it last spring through the magic of the internet, and ended up really enjoying it. Once it found its feet it ended up being a very funny show with some great characters. Last season, I thought the will-they/won't-they between Sarah and Chuck was getting a little old, so I'm glad that this season they have, at least for now, decided to table the possibility of a real relationship. So far this season has been great, an improvement, in my opinion, from last season, and although no real over-arching storylines have been introduced yet, there have been a few hints here and there. In last week's episode, specifically, a scene where Anna beat up an employee of a sporting good's store, Casey was impressed enough to tap her as a possible field agent. While this could have just been a throw-away joke for the one scene, bringing Anna into the fold could go a long way to better linking the Buy More storylines into the spy storylines, and I could see her being a useful asset.

Last, we have Life on Mars. This was the only new show I was excited about this season, and I can't even say I was all that excited. More like apprehensive. I loved the original BBC show, and while I was looking forward to seeing how moving it to a U.S. setting would change it and what someone new could do with the premise, I didn't have high hopes. So I was pleasantly surprised when I tuned into the pilot and found myself actually enjoying it. It's not perfect, it definitely feels like it's still trying to find its feet, but there's a lot of potential there.

It's hard to review it without comparing it to the original, especially since a lot of plot points and even dialogue have been lifted from the original series. The best thing the show could do for itself is start going in its own direction as soon as possible, and although its trying to, the writers are really only testing the waters at this point. Jason O'Mara seems to be building the character of Sam Tyler a little differently, he seems a little less angsty than John Simm's Sam, and it's nice to see that he's not just trying to copy Simm's performance, especially since its unlikely he'd be able to pull it off.

I'm not too sure about Harvey Keitel yet. Keitel plays Gene Hunt, Tyler's Lieutenent in '73, and he's supposed to be a tough, gruff old-school cop, pretty much the opposite of Sam. In the original series, the focal point was the relationship between Sam and Gene, how they played off of each other, and how this combination of police methods helped solve the crimes of the week. A lot of people are saying Keitel is too old for the role, and while I agree he doesn't seem all that physically imposing, I think he would work just fine if the writers could decide how they wanted his role to play out. In the pilot I was happy to see that the character seemed a lot different than Philip Glenister's Gene Hunt in the original, because he was one of those characters you could never imagine being played by someone else. In the second episode, though, they seemed to backpedal a bit and try to apply more of the character from the original series to the role, which just didn't work as well. There were several scenes in the second episode lifted from the second episode of the original series, and while some of them worked, like the fight scene in the hospital room, others didn't. I cringed when Keitel used the "armed bastards" line. The relationships between the characters are really what will make or break the show, and while they haven't been well established yet, one of the good things about American network TV is that they'll have more time to do so. So I'm not too worried on that front yet.

There have been a few things about the show that are new to the American version, and they definitely have me intrigued. One of them is a new character, a hippy girl living next door to Sam who has decided to make him her new best friend. While I could see her getting annoying, so far I think she's a good addition. She brings a bit of light-heartedness to the show, and her character reminds me of Penny Lane from the movie Almost Famous. I have a feeling her purpose is to give Sam someone to talk to who won't judge him or think he's crazy, kind of like Nelson the barkeep in the original version.

The other new addition is the presence of what looks like a Mars Rover in 1973 New York City. The show's creators mentioned in several interviews that they were changing the mythology behind the show. Not only did they want it to be a new experience for viewers who had seen the old version (and new viewers who read Wikipedia), but they knew that a premise that worked over the course of 16 episodes would not work over several 22-episode seasons. So the question of what happened to Sam Tyler is a much broader one this time, and I could see the writers going the Lost route with this one, introducing several mysteries that eventually lead to a conclusion to the central mystery. Whatever's going on, I'm interested.

Horrible Wallpaper!

2008-07-21T22:27:00.004-04:00

If you haven't seen "Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog" yet, well, you missed being able to see it for free, and must be very sad as a result. But there is hope for you yet, as it is available on iTunes, and probably also Mininova for those who want to get it for free anyway. Any regular reader of this blog should know what it is since, if they have yet to see it, they have been mercilessly bugged by myself to do so. But for the odd reader I am unable to bug in person, "Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog" is a three-part mini web series created by Joss Whedon and pals about a "low-rent" super-villian, played by Neil Patrick Harris, and his attempts to join the Evil League of Evil. And it's a musical. That's really all I should have to say about it, since if you haven't started watching it by now, there is no hope for you.

Anyway, I recently lost my job, and find myself with a lot of time on my hands. Coupling this with the recent release of "Dr. Horrible" and at the request of a friend, I spent an afternoon crafting wallpapers based on the show. They're pretty much the first wallpapers I've ever created, so they're not exactly stellar, but I'm proud of them anyway, and I thought I would share them with you all.

Attempt #1 (Dr. Horrible, 1024x768)

Attempt #2 (Billy and Penny, no specific resolution)

Captain Hammer - 1280 x 1024 & 1440 x 900

Freeze Ray - 1280 x 1024 & 1440 x 900

Bad Horse - 1280 x 1024 & 1440 x 900

A Long-Ass Account of Some High-Class Geekery, Part 1

2008-04-25T12:00:00.011-04:00

Two weeks ago I participated in what most people designate to be the ultimate example of nerdiness, a larp. For the uninitiated, larp stands for live action role-playing, and it usually involves a role-playing game, like D&D, being acted out in costume by its players. I was convinced to try the game by a guy at work who has been playing for several years, and his tales of wonder finally led to me driving two hours into northern Pennsylvania much too early on a Saturday morning.

The game I participated in, called Knight Realms, takes place once a month at various campgrounds. This month's game took place at Camp Daddy Allen in PA's Hickory Run State Park, and the game went all weekend, with players staying in the cabins provided (and hoping they didn't get attacked by orcs in the middle of the night). Leery about sleeping in unprotected cabins with people I didn't know, I decided to only go up for Saturday, and leave at night. When I arrived at around 11am, I parked on an extremely unsteady looking hill with the rest of the cars and wandered down the road until I started noticing various people wearing chainmail. Heartened that I had at least found the right place (road signs in PA being what they are), I was still concerned that I had no idea where I was actually supposed to go.

I was NPCing the event, which meant that instead of playing a specific character I had created, like I would in a table-top game, I would play various monsters or story characters that the people running the game needed to interact (i.e. fight) with the players. It also meant I could play for free, and wouldn't have to bring any costume stuff with me.

I eventually found the guy from work and he led me to the Logistics Office where all of the NPC's hung out, informing me that I was the only full-time NPC they had for the weekend. All of the other NPC's would be played by various players taking a few hours off from playing their characters. NPCing with me that afternoon would be the guy from work, a big guy that let me try on his chainmail (it made a very fetching dress on me), and a couple of skinny guys that could not have screamed "geek" anymore if they tried. This is not, I must say, intended as an insult; I actually found it fairly comforting.

A brief note on names: You may notice that in the paragraph above I don't mention the name of any of these people, and this is for a very good reason. I have no idea what their names are (except the guy I know from work, his name is Rob). Although the players in the Logistics office were out of character, it was not uncommon for them to call each other by their character's name. But this was done somewhat randomly, so that one person might be referred to by their first name, their character's first name, their character's last name and their character's nickname, all by the same person in the span of a half hour. People kept calling one of the guys running the game Allister, and for most of the afternoon I assumed it was last name. It wasn't until his time NPCing was up and he got back into character that I found it was actually his character's name.

So for my first bout of NPCing, the guy in charge decided we were going to go out as a band of raiding lizardmen. Unfortunately, there were only three lizard masks, so one of the lizardmen became a Summoner, and the rest of us became elementals. The job of resident air elemental went to yours truly. For this job I was given a blue tunic that hung down to my knees, a pair of clubs that were supposed to be my arms or claws or whatever, and a rubber mask with eye holes cut somewhere up on my forehead. If I hit someone with one of my clubs I was supposed yell out "2 Lightning" since that's the damage each of my club/claws did. I could also cast spells by hitting someone with my club, Gust of Wind which knocked someone back 5 feet, and Shockwave which kind of stunned them, or something. I don't think I ever really understood that one.

So, costumed and armed, we headed out towards the cabins. It was fairly quiet since it was early still, events tend to go on late into the night, so most players probably sleep in. We burst into various cabins, looking for one that had occupants and eventually came upon one who's occupants were standing on their porch. When they saw us approaching they immediately drew their weapons and huddled together just outside the door. As we got closer though, they separated a little and one of the girls held up her hand and yelled "Wall of Thorns!" Well, I didn't have to memorize the rulebook to figure out what the spell did, but I almost burst out laughing at the sight of her standing there confidently holding her hand up and glaring at us, as if daring us to try to get closer. The wall apparently protected the front of the porch, but we could still attack from the sides, just not well since there were no steps up. The wall, however, seemed to just be there to buy some time, because as soon as the girl put her hand down a guy came bursting out the door of the cabin, swinging a pair of swords like he had been doing it all his life. He wasn't even in costume yet, and had likely still been in bed since he was just wearing a t-shirt and a pair of jeans that looked like they had just been thrown on. He took on at least four of us in melee combat, successfully drawing us away from the cabin's other occupants, and dispatched us pretty easily. Do you remember the lightsaber fights in the new Star Wars movies? This guy fought like that. He hit me so quickly so many times that I couldn't even hope of keeping track of hit points, so I just fell down dead when I decided I didn't want to get hit anymore. The weapons they use are soft, foam things, but they still hurt when someone whacks your arm with them seventeen times in the span of five seconds.

Rob later told me the guy was a friend of his, and one of the highest level characters in the game. He had been playing for almost five years. I guess after five years of swinging swords around, you had better be good at it.

After getting our asses kicked we respawned as another group of marauding lizardmen and continued knocking on cabin doors. We found one guy alone in his cabin and killed him pretty easily before moving on, but word of our presence had reached the ears of everyone else in the area, and they had gathered on the nearby road to face us.

I must say, I have a new-found sympathy for warlock pets in World of Warcraft. I never really considered how much it must suck to be summoned up to do some asshole's dirty work and die a painful death in the process, only to be resummoned a few seconds later to finish off said dirty work. I must have died about five times during that battle on the road but the Summoner (a.k.a. asshole) just kept resummoning all of his elementals while he hid behind some trees. For some reason, none of the players seemed to know the cardinal rule of fighting anything that can summon other things, that being always kill the damned summoner FIRST. It got to the point that around the fourth or fifth time we died, Rob (also playing an elemental) mentioned this to the guy who killed us and pointed out which lizard guy was our summoner.

Also, being surrounded? Not fun. I really understand those flanking rules from D&D now, cuz it is really, really hard to pay attention to two people trying to hurt you at once, not to mention eight people trying to hurt you at once. I eventually learned how to spam my Gust of Wind spell to keep them away, but since it drew from my hit points every time I cast it, it wasn't exactly an effective defense strategy.

At one point about four guys were advancing on me, so I kept backing up so they couldn't surround me and ended up backing up to the trees. What I didn't realize was the ground sloped off where the road met the trees, so my backing up resulted in me tumbling backwards down the hill. I didn't tumble far, thanks to a tree and some handy thorn bushes that blocked my path, but I did scrape up my arm pretty bad. My first (of many) injury of the day.

So after we were all finally totally dead it was time to head back to Logistics. Apparently on Saturdays in the early afternoon there is something called Market Fair held at the inn. Players can buy or sell food or items for in-game money there, and most of them at least stop by for lunch. In general, it was apparently frowned upon to send out overt combat encounters during market fair, since it was more of a social and roleplaying experience. So it was decided two of our number would be sent out as "Merchants of Khormyre", meaning they were part of the Khormyre (I have no idea if that's spelled right) Merchant's Guild (I think) which had a deal with the Rogue's Guild (meaning they wouldn't rob them, I think). Khormyre merchants usually had interesting stuff to sell, so by sending them to market fair it would give players a chance to get their hands on some cool loot, but because they were from Khormyre they weren't bound by local pricing laws, so the stuff they sold was really expensive.

Khormyre merchants also, apparently, were known for being stuck-up, arrogant bastards, and the guys who played the merchants had this down pat, right down to the terrible English accents. Because of this, they brought three bodyguards with them, including myself, to protect them if anyone tried to steal their stuff (unlikely, due to the agreement with the rogue's guild) or just knife them out of sheer annoyance (much more likely). I got to wear chainmail, which, I will admit reluctantly, was kinda cool, but otherwise the bodyguard gig was kinda boring. No one tried to attack or steal from the merchants, so we just ended up following them around the inn as they peddled their wares and got on people's nerves.

It was interesting, however, in that I got to see the inn for the first time. The inn was actually the dining hall for the camp, but it was all decorated up to look like a medieval tavern. Drinks were served in unmarked glass bottles and there were candles on all of the tables. And people were selling stuff. If you have an out-of-game skill that can fit into the Knight Realms environment, you're apparently encouraged to use it to make in-game money. There was one table with a huge rack of weapons for sale, all soft weapons so they could be used in the game, but beautifully-made. There was an elf selling jewelry, a woman giving tarot card readings, another woman selling what was supposed to be a special liquor from her homeland, and a goblin selling cookies. The merchants we were with actually ended up buying the cookies, the whole bowl, because the goblin was only selling them for 2 silver each, and the merchants figured they could do better than that. However, that was before they tasted the cookies, after which they decided just to eat them. I was given a single cookie as payment for my bodyguard services, and it was a very good cookie.

When we returned to Logistics from bodyguard duty it was time to shift change for the non-full time NPCs, so I bid goodbye to Rob and the others and sat on the uncomfortable, mattress-less beds for a little while waiting for the next shift to show up.

This looks like a good place to stop for now, mostly cuz I don't feel like writing anymore right now. To Be Continued...

Friends Don't Let Friends Drunk IM

2008-04-20T14:17:00.000-04:00

marshall089 (12:08:37 AM): sam, i love you

Auto Response from TinyDanser84 (12:08:37 AM): "You should know I was thrice-named Alternate Sword Master at the Southern Area Regional Volunteer Infantry Re-enactment Regiment."

"I wanted to be a Jedi."

marshall089 (12:08:48 AM): escpialyl when yuo alway have my quotes in youj priofile

marshall089 (12:08:55 AM): in incerase my lvoe fo r oyu

marshall089 (12:09:24 AM): lol

marshall089 (12:09:38 AM): my stepdad said about dr who again

marshall089 (12:09:43 AM): and i mentioned john simm as the master

marshall089 (12:10:04 AM): and yes

marshall089 (12:10:11 AM): you will always be hot cholate to me

marshall089 (12:10:22 AM): even though you are the 2nd whitest girl i've ever known

marshall089 (12:10:29 AM): my best firned's gf woud be the whitests

marshall089 (12:10:34 AM): she is goddamn pale

marshall089 (12:11:39 AM): i loled so hard

marshall089 (12:11:47 AM): at your pvfoielfe

marshall089 (12:11:51 AM): i would even laugh

marshall089 (12:11:56 AM): if iw ans't completenyl;y drunk

marshall089 (12:11:59 AM): and about to apaasss out

marshall089 (12:12:01 AM): i had liek

marshall089 (12:12:04 AM): um

marshall089 (12:12:07 AM): 8-9 beers

marshall089 (12:12:11 AM): 2 shtos of tequlia

marshall089 (12:12:15 AM): and a nother mystery shot

marshall089 (12:12:18 AM): they called triple t

marshall089 (12:12:20 AM): also

marshall089 (12:12:27 AM): my friend had a cup of a mixed drink

marshall089 (12:12:29 AM): i have no diea

marshall089 (12:12:32 AM): what it was

marshall089 (12:12:35 AM): but i chugged it

marshall089 (12:12:38 AM): thejn isang in rockband

marshall089 (12:12:43 AM): i hope this is entertianing

marshall089 (12:12:45 AM): when you wake up

marshall089 (12:12:47 AM): if ti is

marshall089 (12:12:49 AM): jsut say so

marshall089 (12:12:55 AM): i want to know

marshall089 (12:13:00 AM): if druknklened ness is happy

marshall089 (12:13:01 AM): OMG

marshall089 (12:13:03 AM): I SANG

marshall089 (12:13:06 AM): IN ROCK bAND

marshall089 (12:13:10 AM): ujmmm

marshall089 (12:13:13 AM): STILL ALIVE

marshall089 (12:13:13 AM): YEAH

marshall089 (12:13:14 AM): OMG

marshall089 (12:13:16 AM): I SAN GIT

marshall089 (12:13:18 AM): AND DID GOOD

marshall089 (12:13:22 AM): GLADoS

marshall089 (12:13:26 AM): ^)^

marshall089 (12:13:30 AM): ^_^

marshall089 (12:13:31 AM): is waht i emant

marshall089 (12:13:37 AM): good night assnugget

marshall089 (12:13:40 AM): even thougj

marshall089 (12:13:44 AM): yu're saslseep

marshall089 went away at 12:13:52 AM.

marshall089 returned at 12:14:11 AM.

marshall089 (12:14:19 AM): oh

marshall089 (12:14:22 AM): one last thing

marshall089 (12:14:25 AM): on okcupid

marshall089 (12:14:28 AM): amielia foudn me

marshall089 (12:14:37 AM): and we exacanted messages

marshall089 (12:14:45 AM): and she also could see my journal

marshall089 (12:14:51 AM): about why i dont want to date

marshall089 (12:14:55 AM): because i hate woemne

marshall089 (12:14:58 AM): buecase they are bitches

marshall089 (12:15:01 AM): theya ll are

marshall089 (12:15:02 AM): ...

marshall089 (12:15:05 AM): no offence sam

marshall089 (12:15:12 AM): you're cool

marshall089 (12:15:13 AM): lol

marshall089 (12:15:21 AM): good mronign

marshall089 went away at 12:15:31 AM.

marshall089 returned at 12:16:45 AM.

marshall089 (12:16:55 AM): me and her were like 53% matches

marshall089 (12:17:13 AM): it is sad that you are one of the most dateable girls to me imho

marshall089 (12:17:19 AM): and you are in nj

marshall089 (12:17:23 AM): omg

marshall089 (12:17:25 AM): i am so drunk

marshall089 (12:17:30 AM): and i hafe been ramvlinbg

marshall089 (12:17:32 AM): omg

marshall089 (12:17:34 AM): im sdtoppign

marshall089 (12:17:36 AM): rasllay loggin

marshall089 (12:17:38 AM): ogfff

marshall089 (12:17:40 AM): or soemthing

marshall089 went away at 12:17:49 AM.

marshall089 returned at 12:28:14 AM.

marshall089 (12:28:20 AM): shit

marshall089 (12:28:24 AM): one last tning

marshall089 (12:28:27 AM): somathan moffat

marshall089 (12:28:32 AM): happy birthdat

marshall089 (12:28:35 AM):

marshall089 (12:28:37 AM):

marshall089 (12:28:46 AM): i went to bed

marshall089 (12:28:47 AM): drunk

marshall089 (12:28:50 AM): about to opas out

marshall089 (12:28:51 AM): and thought

marshall089 (12:28:55 AM): damn i said all that shti to sam

marshall089 (12:29:00 AM): and it i stechnically her bday

marshall089 (12:29:05 AM): i might as well say happy bday rtoo

marshall089 (12:29:11 AM): whiole telling her all yhat oeht ers hti

Mazes and Murder: The Further Adventures of Meg and Lyz

2008-04-03T17:02:00.006-04:00

We last left Meg and Lyz hiding in a large cavern that was somehow part of the research complex they were trying to escape. They had made camp in a heavily forested part of the cavern, and decided to relax for a little while. Having been running for their lives mostly non-stop since they had met, neither really knew anything about the other, so they used their downtime to properly introduce themselves. Lyz regaled her quest to find her lost sailor sweetheart, and how her search had brought her to a fairy ring that turned out to be a trap by denizens of the facility they were currently hiding in. Meg shared her story of life on the streets and high seas until she was kidnapped along with some visiting wizards and imprisoned on a boat. Her and the wizards found themselves on an island that was being overtaken by a shadowy presence, and upon defeating that presence, Meg was sucked through a portal, landing her in her current situation.

Having gotten to know each other, the two women decided to explore the cavern they had found. Meg mentioned that she had been there before, but had not explored it thoroughly. They headed north and came across a small goblin camp. The goblins were roasting some kind of meat over the fire, and the sight of food reminded the girls how low on rations they were. Meg reasonably suggested a surprise attack on the goblins so they could take the food, but Lyz insisted on trying to talk to them first, hoping they would be willing to simply share their food. This did not go over well. Meg stayed hidden in the underbrush while Lyz approached the camp, and the goblins seemed overjoyed at how easy their next meal would prove to be. They attacked as soon as she came close enough to stab, and with Meg occupied by a sniper in the trees, the battle did not start out well. One overly eager goblin was even able to rip a chunk of flesh from Lyz's arm with a fork and knife, chowing down on it in the middle of battle. Fortunately, once they had their wits back about them, Meg and Lyz took down the goblins fairly easily, and helped themselves to their meager supplies.

After resting, they continued to head north. The forest became much darker and thicker, and numerous feathers and tracks told them there were owlbears nearby. They successfully avoided running into any, but did come to a clearing with an odd metal statue in the middle. The statue was of a man and seemed to be made of tin or a similar metal. There was a gaping hole in the statue's chest and back, however, where the metal was peeled back, as if something had exploded out of it. Somewhat puzzled and thoroughly creeped out, the pair continued onward.

They eventually came to a large formation of stones that Meg vaguely recognized from the last time she was in this cavern. They surrounded an impossibly tall, brightly lit tower that she knew she recognized, and the girls decided the tower was as good a spot as any to head towards. The stones surrounding the tower were at least as tall as Meg, and it wasn't until she stepped into the formation that she remembered they formed a shifting, confusing labyrinth. Knowing nothing about the labyrinth, Lyz followed her into the stone formation and also became instantly lost. They wandered for a little while trying to find each other before Lyz got frustrated and pulled out her broomstick. Enchanting it to fly, she took to the skies above the labyrinth and managed to find Meg. They flew over the maze and landed safely in the grass surrounding the base of the tower.

The tower was even bigger up close, so big around that they could barely see it curve. They followed the wall of the tower, exploring the area around it, and noticed several dead creatures of various types lying around it. The only thing the creatures seemed to have in common, apart from being dead, was that they were all embedded into the ground, some several feet into the ground. Taking this as a warning, they proceeded carefully around the tower until they found a huge set of double doors. Near the doors was a stone pedestal with an engraving neither of them could read. Deciding to rest before attempting to open the door, they made camp in one of the deeper impressions in the ground, this one occupied only by a large skull.

When they woke the next morning and scrambled out of their hole, they were surprised to discover a golden statue of a minotaur standing on the once-empty stone pedestal. The statue didn't look friendly, so they decided to leave it alone for now. Turning their attention to the door, they noticed a small tablet embedded in the wall next to it. There was no locking mechanism on it, simply the words, "When is a door not a door?" Meg blinked for a few seconds before asking Lyz, "When it's ajar?" To both of their surprise, the large doors groaned open.

Within the tower was a large open room with doors on both sides leading off to unknown rooms. In the very middle of the room was an open pit in the floor, a matching hole in the ceiling above it. The purpose of the pit confused the girls at first, but as they watched, a loud rumbling sound filled the room and a large something barreled down the shaft, almost too fast to see. The pit seemed to be guarded by a man in a guard's uniform, but with a black armband neither girl had seen before. Whoever this guard was, he probably wasn't affiliated with the guards back in the living quarters. They were still wearing servant's uniforms, so they decided to approach the guard. As soon as the guard saw them, however, he became hostile and demanded to know why they were there. Lyz tried to explain that they had simply gotten lost and need to find their way back to the servant's quarters, but the guard didn't buy it. He managed to yell "Intruders!" before Meg pulled out her crossbow and shot him in the neck, killing him.

Fearing reinforcements, they hid in a corner and waited for the other guards to come out. They came out of one of the rooms off to the side and dragged the dead orc in before coming back out to look for the intruders. Once they did, the pair decided they could probably take them, so Meg greeted them with another shot from her crossbow and Lyz started conjuring a storm cloud in order to bring a little lightning to the fight. The guards ended up being tougher than they thought, especially one particular guard, a large lizardman who seemed to be a leader of some kind. Meg finally dealt him a killing stab to the back with her rapier and as soon as he died his body stiffened and turned to stone, trapping Meg's rapier. It took all of her strength to pull it out again.

Once the guards were dealt with and their monies and fineries taken, the pair explored the room off to the side where the guards had come out of. It seemed to be a barracks of some kind, filled with cots, one of which held the first guard Meg had killed. A voice was coming from a strange device sitting on a table in the room, demanding to know what was going on. Lyz impersonated one of the guards, telling them that everything was fine and, due to her excellent people skills, did a lot better than Han Solo did. Whoever was on the other end of the intercom seemed to believe her and switched off, allowing them to search the room for anything interesting. Lyz was excited to find a romance novel hidden under one of the cots, as it was part of the "Captain Segueway" series she had recently started reading. Meg inspected the body of the dead guard, an orc, and found a silver ring on one of his fingers, with the name "Lenore" inscribed on it. The ring was not magical, but very lovely, so Meg pulled it off the orc's finger, and slipped it on her own, delighted at its beauty.

Returning to the main room, Meg and Lyz discovered a set of rope-operated lifts near the pit. Not sure where they went or how sturdy they were, they decided to leave them be for now, and checked out the door on the opposite wall. It led to a narrow set of stairs that seemed to wind all the way around the tower. The stairs were extremely dusty and looked like they hadn't been used in quite some time, so they decided to see where they led. After climbing for hours they finally made it to another floor. It was laid out almost exactly like the one below, but they noticed that when the something passed through the shaft here, a ring of sparks and flame flew up from around the pit. The pit was guarded by a large humanoid completely covered in a suit of full plate, holding a huge greatsword.

Deciding whoever it was probably shouldn't be tangled with, Meg disguised herself as one of the human guards they had killed downstairs and put on one of the stolen guard uniforms. While Lyz stayed behind in the stairwell, she approached the guard and told it she had come to relieve it. The guard considered this for a moment before nodding and starting to walk away. It stopped quite suddenly however, turning back to Meg and putting its visor up. With the visor up, they could see the guard was a female orc and it was staring in shock and rage at the ring on Meg's finger. Without warning she charged Meg, greatsword at the ready. Both Lyz and Meg proved quicker than she was, though, as Lyz immediately jumped out from the stairwell and threw her dagger at the orc, and Meg met her charge with a stab from her rapier. Unfortunately, both attacks proved ineffective against the orc's armor. Lyz once again started to call up a lightning storm and Meg did her best to find the chinks in heavy plate the orc wore. The orc was quite proficient with her huge sword and despite Meg's agile dodging, she was beaten and bloody by the time they finally killed the orc. Coughing up blood, Meg decided to do a quick search before retreating somewhere safe to rest. They had no intention of lugging around the orc's heavy armor, but a quick Detect Magic spell by Lyz showed the breastplate and sword the orc carried were both magical, so she stuck them in her bag of holding to be identified later. Meg also found a silver ring on her finger, identical to the one she had taken off the guard downstairs, except inscribed on it was the word "Beloved". Not one to leave something shiny, Meg took this ring as well, putting it on her other hand. A few quick healing spells by Lyz later, and they were both healthy enough to hobble back to the deserted stairwell, where they finally rested.

Stay tuned for next week's harrowing and likely amoral episode of The Adventures of Meg and Lyz!

It's About Time

2008-03-13T09:38:00.000-04:00

So, it finally happened. I developed superpowers. I was beginning to think it just wouldn't happen. I mean, puberty was kind of awhile ago, and that's usually when these things manifest, right? So imagine my surprise when, sitting in my living room this morning enjoying my morning cup of mint-flavored hot cocoa, I happened to squeeze the handle of my mug a little harder than normal, and, with a sudden snap, it popped right off the mug. I sat there in shock for a few moments, covered in hot cocoa and smelling of peppermint, staring at the broken mug handle still in my hand. It didn't take long for the realization to hit me.

I have super-strength.

Or, possibly, a faulty mug. But I like the super-strength explanation better. It made me feel better about having to change my cocoa-soaked clothes and wash out the chair I was sitting in.

The Curious Adventures of Meg and Lyz

2008-03-10T20:14:00.004-04:00

Last week, Gary Gygax died. It's been covered by pretty much every news outlet around, but in case you don't have the internet or something, Mr. Gygax was the co-creator of the Dungeons & Dragons role-playing game. I've only been playing D&D for about two to three years, ever since a certain friend of mine got me the Player's Handbook for Christmas (and regretted it when I made him play, of course).

There's not much I can say about Mr. Gygax that hasn't been covered by those worthier than I. D&D has definitely affected my life as a writer, as my feeble attempts at DMing games can attest to, but it's really just been a fun way to hang out with friends and play an awesome game.

Recently, I've been playing in a game with Amelia and Sean, Sean as the DM, and, as much as Amelia and I sometimes wish we had heavier things to throw at Sean, the game has been a lot fun so far. Sean has requested that I use this blog to keep track of what happens in our game, so what follows is a brief summary of our game thus far.

The game started as a solo game for an old character of mine. After being sucked into a portal of unknown origin at the end of our last game, my character, a changeling rogue named Meg, spent a year in a squalid prison cell going slowly mad. The game opened with her deciding it was time to try to escape, which she did, with help from a fellow prisoner, a cat-like creature named Scout. Meg's escape attempt led to her discovering that the complex she was being held in was far larger than she had thought. Her explorations led her through several labs of various purpose where she picked up some interesting books on alchemy and artificing.

The book on artificing led her to start trying some of this magic stuff she kept reading about, to moderate success. She eventually started disguising herself as a servant in order to move about the complex more easily, but after getting mixed up in a teleportation experiment, she found herself in a lab that was off-limits to servants, one that happened to specialize in dissection. Forced to fight her way out, she had help from a new prisoner that came to in the middle of the fight and brought a few well-timed lightning strikes to the altercation.

Meg figured this could be useful in the future, so the prisoner, a halfling witch named Lyz on a never-ending search for her lost boyfriend (played by Amelia), joined Meg in exploring the complex. Their explorations took them to a library, where Lyz's people skills successfully tempered Meg's stab-happy impatience and they learned from the librarian that the complex was actually on the Ethereal Plane. This was not good news. They did, however, find a secret passage in the library where they were able to rest and plan without fear. The secret passage's original occupant, a fellow prisoner and oddly-familiar anthromorphic bear, proved unfriendly. He was dealt with.

It didn't take long for the two of them to start messing with one of the laboratories, resulting in accidentally killing a kitten and melding its soul into the body of a mouse. Don't ask. The mouse/cat decided the best thing for its sanity was to to stick with Meg, becoming her familiar of sorts. She named him Sprocket.

This event also completely destroyed the lab, but the clumsy pair were rescued from trigger-happy guards by the head servant, a shadowy man whose name I can't spell. He allowed Meg and Lyz use of one of the servant's quarters, and gave them properly-fitting servant's uniforms to help them blend in better, and offered to act as a fence, finally allowing Meg to get rid of some of the items she had "found" during her explorations.

Emboldened by their contact, Meg and Lyz continued exploring, and learned from a dead man that the complex was a research facility that used power from the elemental planes to fuel their research. Apparently they were also working on making a permanent portal to the Material to allow employees free access back and forth, but this project was abandoned for an unknown reason that also lead to the dead guy's death.

Further exploration lead the pair to both the infirmary, where they met Mongo, a "healer", and stocked up on some healing items, and the guard training room, where they both received some combat training and used it to knock out the guards and raid the armory for some good weapons.

They eventually made their way back to one of the large labs, one with a mysterious chained up door. Deciding there was no good reason a door should be chained up like that, they set upon trying to open it, first by burning the chains off with acid, then removing the bar, then using a molotov cocktail to burn off the other bars. Beyond the door was a spherical room with four portals, each seemingly leading to a different elemental plane. Not liking their chances of survival on an elemental plane, they instead investigated an odd elemental cloud forming in the middle of the room, seemingly drawing power from all four portals. When they got too close, however, they were drawn into the cloud and buffeted painfully down a current of raw elemental power.

When they finally broke free of the stream, they were barely alive, but found themselves in a small pond surrounded by tropical trees. Believing they had finally made it off the Ethereal Plane, they spent a relieved 16 hours resting before discovering they were actually in one of the zoo exhibits in the complex. This revelation resulted in several bottle caps being thrown at Sean's head.

They escaped the exhibit with help from the exhibit's original occupant, an oddly-familar sentient chest with legs. Meg and Lyz are currently hiding out in a forest in a nearby open cavern, a part of the complex they have not yet fully explored.

Warning: David Bowie Music May Cause Inadvertant Time Travel

2008-03-04T09:54:00.000-05:00

I'd like to talk now about something that only myself and about five other Americans are actually interested in. A few weeks ago a new show called Ashes to Ashes premiered on the BBC, and I've been keeping up with it through the almighty power of the internet. The show is a spin off of a previous BBC show called Life on Mars, a show I enjoyed immensely once my eldritch rituals finally secured me all of the episodes (it was a tad hard to find).

For those not among the aforementioned five, but are, for some reason, still reading, Life on Mars was a British cop show involving a detective in 2006 named Sam Tyler who gets hit by a car (while listening to "Life on Mars?" by David Bowie) and wakes up in 1973. The main mystery of the show is that we don't know if he's actually in 1973, if he's in a coma in 2006 and just imagining it all, or if he's just off his rocker. The fact that he tends to hear voices and see creepy little girls everywhere doesn't help much. The show ran for two seasons, and involved Sam adapting to police work in the 70's while trying to figure out how to get home. It had a great soundtrack and an amusing cast of characters that kept things light even while the main character slowly went crazy. If you don't mind thick British accents, leather jackets and a healthy heaping of angst (and I'd be angsty too, if I was stuck in the 70's with no internet) I would recommend it.

Ashes to Ashes is, as mentioned, a spin off of Life on Mars, where a new character, Alex Drake, finds herself in a similar situation. There's more to it, but I'm trying to keep it vague for anyone who might be interested in LoM, as the premise for Ashes sort of spoils the ending of the previous show. There are two major differences to the situation, the first being that Alex finds herself in 1981, instead of 1973, and the second being that Alex is almost definitely not in a coma. She gets shot. In the forehead. And then wakes up in 1981. She seems to believe that she is currently stuck in the moment between life and death, and her actions while in 1981 will determine whether she ultimately lives or ultimately dies. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't know a lot of people who lived after getting shot in the head, and I have a feeling that her adventures in 1981 are more geared towards tying up her life and moving on then actually fighting to live, but that's just my half-assed theory.

Although I've tried my best, it's hard not to judge this show in comparison to Life on Mars. The main character from that show did not return for Ashes, but several characters do, and it's definitely interesting to see how they have changed (or not changed) in the 8 years since the events in LoM. Despite the familiar faces, Ashes to Ashes has a very different feel than LoM. Part of that can be chalked up to the difference in decades, the 80's are just going to feel different than the 70's, and a lot of police procedures that were common in the 70's just aren't going to fly in the increasingly-PC world of 1981. This doesn't prevent various characters from bashing a cuffed man's head against the car or informally interrogating suspects through clever application of a pool table, but it's easy to see that the characters we're used to seeing as masters of their domains now have they're hands tied a bit.

The biggest difference, however, and what gives Ashes its unique feel, is the main character. Alex is a lot less angsty then Sam was, partially due to her unshakable belief that she knows what's going on. As a psychological profiler, she is a lot more analytical about her situation. She adamantly believes she is hallucinating and speaks about it freely to the other characters, talking out theories to her much-confused coworkers. However, believing herself to be the only real person in her situation has given her a somewhat annoying air of superiority. It's a personality trait she shares with Sam, yet here it seems much more pronounced. While Sam was kind of an asshole for most of his show, you sympathized with him since he was in such a confusing situation and he got put in his place quite often, usually by means of his superior officer's fists. Alex is harder to sympathize with, partially because she's not as lost as Sam was, or doesn't think she is, and partially because she doesn't get put in her place too often, mostly because her boss isn't going to hit a woman. I'm hoping she's not as right as she thinks she is about her situation, but based on what we already know, it seems the most likely explanation. I just think it would be great if something twisted her, and the audience's, expectations.

Although we in the audience think we know what's going on, there is still plenty of mystery that we share with the main character. Central to this mystery is that 1981 is the year Alex's parents died. Vague flashbacks show us they died in a car bomb, and Alex seems to believe that saving them might be the key to returning home. Her mother is well-known as a particularly vicious lawyer, and Alex and her mother have already butted heads several times throughout the show, mirroring the strained relationship they seemed to have had when Alex was a child. More interesting, to me, at least, is the mystery surrounding why Alex was shot. She was kidnapped at gunpoint by an old drug lord who, at first, seemed to want her alive, bringing her to an abandoned boat. On the way we hear him talking on the phone to someone about telling Alex what actually happened to her parents, and the whole deal sounds like blackmail of some kind. But not long after that, Alex's kidnapper shoots her in the head with seemingly no provocation.

My theory is that the kidnapper was speaking to Alex's godfather, who, based on Alex's flashbacks, may have had something to do with the death of her parents. However, this theory doesn't explain why her kidnapper gets so trigger-happy. Maybe he just wants to shut her up, she does get annoying sometimes.

Anyway, this rambling analysis has gone on long enough, especially since no I know is going to know what the hell I'm talking about. So far I'm enjoying the show, and I would recommend it, especially if you happen to live in Britain and can just watch it on TV. If you don't live in Britain, Ashes to Ashes airs on Thursdays, so is usually available on the internet by Thursday night, 8 or 9 pm, Eastern time. It will also probably be on BBC America eventually, once the season is over on the BBC.

Thorns Part 2: Thornier

2008-02-21T11:18:00.001-05:00

I forgot the machete again. I'm not even sure I own a machete, but it might be a good investment. I was back at Veteran's Park last Sunday, but Sean could not join me due to illness and lack of desire to walk around in the cold. Amelia joined me, however, as she needed to take some photographs of the park anyway, so I loaded up my GPS with the last two caches in Veteran's Park, and we were off.

The first cache was over by the lake entrance, not far from the infamous fence that nearly thwarted us during our last outing. After braving the harsh winds on the lakeside path, we came to a stand of trees near the fence, and the GPS informed us our prize lay on the other side. Recalling my bruised stomach last week, we elected to walk around the fence.

We came to a clearing in the trees and determined our cache was somewhere around there. "Around there" were trees, brambles, dead leaves and more brambles. My first thought was that it was lodged in the middle of a huge thorn bush. It was almost impossible to see into the middle of it, so it seemed like a logical spot, and I acquired an exciting number of lacerations before confirming that bush was, in fact, empty. The listing for the cache had warned to watch for poison ivy, so we found ourselves searching the woods, hoping to stumble upon poisonous plant life, since it would mean we were close.

At least twenty minutes later, after beating thorn bushes, kicking over rocks and logs, and searching every low tree branch in sight, I found myself inspecting a vine while trying desperately to remember lost Girl Scout training, when Amelia yelled out that she had found it. Apparently one of the rocks I had not kicked over was not a rock at all. Amelia had kicked it over, and low and behold, there was a small tupperware container beneath it. There were a few coins and some pretty stones, so Amelia took one of the stones for a school project and I left a bumper sticker. We signed the log and, victorious, went on our way.

The second cache was over near the playground entrance, but before we made our way over, Amelia stopped to take some pictures of the battlefield. We found a set of keys lying on the ground there, and mused over which brave Civil War soldier might have lost them.

After a brisk and tiring walk to the other entrance, the GPS led us to a path in the woods near the playground's parking lot. We followed the path until the compass started to point into the woods. We found a smaller, pseudo-path that led off of it, overgrown with thorn bushes about as tall as I am. Walking through the woods soon became an intricate dance, involving stepping on thorny stalks to keep them from catching on our jeans, while simultaneously ducking and lifting higher stalks to keep them from gouging out our eyes. We got caught up multiple times before finally entering a muddy clearing. The GPS led us to the muddiest part of the clearing, where several logs and dead branches formed shaky stepping stones over the mud. The cache, fortunately, wasn't hard to find, hidden in a tree with three trunks. It contained a tiny plastic frog, which Amelia also took for her project. I left another bumper sticker. I have a lot of bumper stickers. We left the woods tired and happy, although the happiness didn't last too long since we still had to walk all the way back to the lake entrance where we parked.

So far now, we have found five caches in Veteran's Park, and I'm pretty sure we've exhausted it's current supply. It was good newbie hunting ground, though, and I am now confident we are ready to level up into urban and, once the weather improves (and not before), state park caches.

It Counts as Sleep as Long as I'm Sitting in Bed, Right?

2008-02-14T21:27:00.000-05:00

I have recently discovered the digital version of crack. To my great surprise, it is not an MMORPG. As enjoyable and soul-suckingly addictive World of Warcraft is, it has the misfortune of being bound to a PC.

When I went to my local video game store looking for a new game for my Nintendo DS, I was somewhat disappointed in their selection. They had none of the games I was looking for, and I was about to move on to a different store when a used copy of the game Puzzle Quest caught my eye. I remembered hearing good things about it, and priced at $15 I figured it was worth a shot. Little did I know multi-colored gems would soon haunt my dreams.

Puzzle Quest takes the open-ended leveling and fantasy environment of an RPG and combines it with the casual game Bejeweled, because, well, why the hell not? I would have liked to have been in that design meeting when, after ten hours or so of fruitless brainstorming, someone decided that what serious role-playing games really needed was more gem-swapping. Putting it on a portable system was the next level of genius, since the phrase "and playing Puzzle Quest" can now be accurately added to almost any activity I engage in.

It has all the basics of your usual RPG's, you create a character by picking one of four classes and a portrait to represent her, and before long you're being sent on errand duty by your dad and some queen, and things are trying to kill you. But instead of swinging your sword at said things, you play a puzzle game. You and the monster take turns swapping gems on the board, trying to create lines of three or more, and depending what kind of gems you swap different effects occur. Some gems give you money, some experience points, some just right out hurt the bastard (I always imagine those gems as my character bopping the monster over the head with the pretty glowing staff she's holding in her picture), but most of the gems give you mana of various colors. Your character comes equipped with several spells, and can learn more as she levels up, and each spell requires different amounts of mana. Once you've collected enough of the right color mana from swapping gems (and there is NEVER enough yellow mana) she can cast her spell.

Your enemies do this as well, and, frequently, do it a lot better. The game makes no excuses for the blatant cheating, and I can assure you by the time the orc is on his 5th extra turn and your health is in the single digits from all the +5 damage gems that only drop when it's convenient for him, you may start fantasizing about stabbing him in the head with your stylus. Unfortunately, I've found the stylus is much too blunt for these purposes, so you just have to suck it up.

If that were it, it probably wouldn't be too bad. True, games like Bejeweled can be very addicting over short periods of time, and the leveling mechanic would easily extend this addiction, but it would probably still get old pretty quick. But, like any good RPG, Puzzle Quest ropes you in with the side quests. You can search for runes to craft Items of Awesome Power, capture enemies in order to learn new spells from them, and capture, train and level up a staggering array of mounts. And each and every one of these tasks is accomplished through another Bejeweled-style puzzle, ensuring maximum addictiveness potency. I don't understand why the government is wasting time with marijuana when stuff like this is available on the market unrestricted. I walked into Taco Bell today and observed a line of fake yellow tulips sitting along one window, as decoration, and the first thing that came to my fevered mind was "Yellow Mana!!"

So to sum up this rather disjointed review\cry for help, I like Puzzle Quest. A lot. And if you don't mind seeing grids of colorful gems every time you close your eyes and losing sleep to the "just one more turn" mentality, I heartily recommend it. For those without a DS, the game is also available for Xbox Live and the PC through Steam, although they both probably lose something in translation due to the inability to play them at red lights (Red Mana!).

Next Time I'm Bringing a Machete

2008-02-13T20:19:00.000-05:00

So Saturday saw Sean and myself embarking on our second geocaching adventure in Veteran's Park. Due to late sleeping on Sean's part, we did not leave until after two in the afternoon, but it was a mild day and we were able to find two geocaches before the sun went down and we were kicked out of the park.

The first cache was pretty simple. We entered at the south(?) entrance to the park, the one with all of the sports fields, and our GPS informed us we were less than half a mile away from the cache. After pausing to contemplate a stone in the middle of the woods memorializing a random Boy Scout's uncle, we headed briskly down a side trail in the vague direction the GPS was pointing us.

It took about a minute and a half for Sean to start complaining that I was walking too fast, but it only took about another minute for me to start getting tired and slow down. We don't power walk much in karate class, unfortunately.

The GPS took us to a bramble filled spot in the woods near a huge fallen tree, not far from the trail, and we got well-acquainted with several thorn bushes before Sean discovered he was basically standing on the cache. The cache turned out to be a large Tupperware container hidden under a smaller fallen log. It was filled with the usual trinkets and small toys, and we examined the contents as discreetly as possible, keeping out of sight of muggles on the trail. We didn't take anything, but we read the log, adding a stirring argument about the temperature.

The second cache turned out to be over half a mile away from our current location, so we headed back to the main path to determine which direction we needed to go. That idea didn't last long as Sean insisted we cut across a field of high grasses and abandoned wooden fencing, but we were going somewhat in the right direction, so I didn't argue.

We discovered a chain link fence in our path, and since the GPS informed me our desired direction lay on the other side of the fence, I made the entirely reasonable suggestion that we jump it. It was only about six feet high and lacked barbed wire, so I didn't see any problems with the idea. Sean started making some bullshit protest about the fence "ending right down there", but I knew he was just being a wuss about climbing it, so I took off my coat and proceeded over. Or tried, at least. It turns out Ugg boots, while absolutely stellar at keeping the feet warm and comfortable in any weather, really kind of suck at fence climbing. After several failed tries, including one barefoot attempt, Sean kneeled down and let me use his back as a step stool to get over. He then proceeded over behind me in one smooth jump. Jackass.

Having conquered the fence, we continued to follow the GPS and discovered there was a lake in our way. Not to be discouraged, we followed the shore until the lake turned into a stream that was, unfortunately, slightly too wide to cross in the middle of February. The stream was directly in our path, so we were forced to walk until we found the bridge and then double back. We briefly considered attempting to cross the stream on a conveniently low-hanging branch, but memories of various incidents from our middle school Stokes trip encouraged us to keep walking.

Once we were on the right side of the stream it didn't take too long to reach the area the GPS pointed us towards, a collection of shallow ponds, mud, and, of course, thorn bushes. What wasn't as easy was finding the actual cache. We knew from the listing that it very small and, thank god, wasn't hidden on the ground. Scouring the area we found fallen logs, feathers, and several empty bird's nests, but the cache eluded us. We had covered a rather wide area and the sun had started to go down before I finally noticed a tiny tube, about the size and shape of a roll of pennies and wrapped in camouflage tape, sitting in the branches of a sapling. A sapling wrapped in brambles as thoroughly as Sleeping Beauty's castle. It took a delicate and steady hand to pull it out, but we didn't have one of those so I just grabbed it. By then I had enough thorn scratches over my body I could barely feel my skin anymore anyway. The tube only contained a log, which we flipped through and signed, feeling victorious.

The feeling faded as we realized we had no idea how to get back to our parking lot. One might think it would be hard to get lost in a park while equipped with a GPS receiver. One would be wrong.

We eventually found the main path and followed it until we saw sports fields. All I had to show for the trip were thorn injuries and bruising on my stomach from leaning over a rusty fence, but all in all, it was a satisfying hunt.

Test Post

2008-02-12T22:08:00.000-05:00

Howdy! This is my new blog, and this post, as you can tell from the title, is a test post.